


Hidden Allegiances

by SamJoinedtheReconCorps



Series: A Flame in the Shadows [5]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caring, Growing feelings, Lies, M/M, Political Intrigue, References to past trauma, Worry, post ep 63, spoilers for ep 97
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:26:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23021689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamJoinedtheReconCorps/pseuds/SamJoinedtheReconCorps
Summary: The Mighty Nein requests an audience with the Bright Queen. Essek, ever present in any of the queen's meetings, can't wait to hear what his charges have to say.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Series: A Flame in the Shadows [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1648909
Comments: 16
Kudos: 149





	Hidden Allegiances

**Author's Note:**

> am I fucking terrified that we are now less than 24 hours before episode 98? Yes, yes I am. Will my feverish writing be changed or diminished after it? Who fucking knows.
> 
> but for now, here is the next part to this series, of betrayal and political intrigue, of budding feelings and growing care - because this is fucking Shadowgast y'all, we're all hurting here
> 
> i really hope you guys like it :)

While evening meetings with the Bright Queen and her closest advisors weren’t uncommon, they were very exclusive as to who was present. Right now, it was just the Bright Queen, her partner, the Skysybil, a handful of other select advisors, and himself. This meeting was mostly about the reopening of the Icozrin Steelworks after the Deepriver Mining Camp had been freed from the giants that had taken residence there. Talk of increased production and the mobilization of workers took up the bulk of the conversation, but what had turned it into such a guarded meeting were the discussions of the war machines Professor Waccoh had been creating. Their blueprints and inner machinations were discussed, and either approvals or improvements were given or suggested.

If he’s being completely honest, he’s just been using the time in this meeting to go over the few things he has learned in his scrying on the “Xhorhaus” as the group has dubbed it. It's nothing crazy, nothing that makes him worry. They’re hesitant to commit to the Dynasty and fully betray the Empire, but it's nothing worthy of pursuing even if he wanted to - and he doesn’t want to pursue it. He finds that he rather likes their hesitation at national loyalties, finding it commendable to see that they are loyal to each other instead.

The Bright Queen and the advisors continue talking about the handful of approved designs, determining how many of each war machine would be created and where the training for their usage would take place. Once again, a rather standard meeting - up until a guard quietly walked into the chamber, bowing low as the conversation halted with his arrival.

“My queen, the mercenary troupe - the Mighty Nein - requests an audience. They say it is of utmost importance.”

With a nod of acknowledgement, the Bright Queen continues with the meeting, albeit in much quieter whispers. Essek was no longer listening to the meeting, his curiosity elsewhere as he wondered what news his charges may have.

It wasn't until a half hour later when their conversation and planning about the steelworks finally came to an appropriate conclusion that the Bright Queen motioned for the guards to let the group in.

They walked in quietly, as always with Jester and Veth at the lead. As they mounted the steps to get to the center of the daisies, Essek could see a few of them look around in apparent surprise at the lack of people in the room.

Caleb’s eyes found his, and he gave Essek a nod of greeting, which Essek returned.

Once they were assembled before the Bright Queen, they bowed respectfully - a much more put together display than when they had first traipsed into the throne room.

“I have been told that you have important business and had to see me,” the Bright Queen starts. “Well, you’ve proven helpful before,” she looks over at each of them, “so you have my attention. What is this business that was so important?”

Caduceus, surprisingly, is the first to speak up. “Your highness, is this as private an audience as we can get?”

“There is no more private place in this city,” she assures, and with that, they immediately break into an explanation.

They tell the Bright Queen about another rift and another disc and a strange piece of fabric they found attached to it, bringing out the broken device as they hurriedly warn her about an impending attack on the Ashguard Garrison. Beauregard explains that they have gotten the information from someone close to King Dwendal, since Jester scried on the owner of the fabric and found a blond Zemnian man in the middle of a meeting with a figure being only referred to as “my liege.”

It’s weighty information, one that could easily mean an assured victory in the coming attack. To add to that, they have also apparently uncovered a secret meeting that will take place at the Overcrow Apothecary in the Corona District, one where this mysterious figure might appear.

The Bright Queen listens to it all carefully, asking, when they have fallen quiet for a beat, “Do you recall any discussion of the scope of this attack on the Ashguard?”

“Yes,” Beauregard nods. “It - the scope was -” she begins to thumb through a journal she’s been referring to as she explained, “hang on, let me just take out - I like to take notes.”

“We told her all about it and she wrote it down,” Jester tells the queen.

“Oh, yes - no, they said that they were going to be using Scourgers,” Veth pipes up, and maybe it's because Caleb is standing right next to her that Essek notices the way he tenses at the word.

Beauregard mentions something about three legions being sent - which is extremely troubling - but Essek watches as a shadow passes over Caleb’s face, dulling the bright blue of his eyes as Caleb drops his gaze to the ground. He crosses his arms - but it's more like he’s hugging himself, putting a barrier between him and everything else. Essek sees his fingers dig into his forearms as he begins to scratch what Essek now realizes are the scars that crisscross his skin.

“- As well as bringing in the Righteous Brand as scouts into the Ashkeeper Peaks and they’re looking at bringing in the Scourgers,” Beauregard finishes, confirming Veth’s words.

Fjord claps her on the shoulder, giving her a small nod of what can only be congratulations that she so eloquently presented so much information.

“On top of that, we have reason -” Beauregard starts, but Yasha cuts in, saying, “They said they were using them as a distraction.”

“Yes,” Beauregard confirms.

“The Scourgers were being used -” Veth clarifies, as Yasha nods a simple, “Yeah.”

Caleb almost looks nauseous, putting a fist to his chin, as if he were deep in thought.

“If I had to guess, your highness, the man that we were able to scry on, is a Scourger,” Beauregard theorizes. “If he is able to come this far across the border, I have reason to believe it’s by magical means.”

“Possibly responsible for these devices,” Caduceus reminds them, holding up the broken disc. “That have been tearing the -”

“Yeah,” Jester nods in emphasis.

“Yes, it’s been a series of them that have been planted throughout your kingdom,” Caleb finally gets out, meeting the Queen’s eyes briefly.

“We’ve destroyed three of them,” Jester informs them.

“This device you speak of is similar to the one that you found in Asarius?” the Bright Queen asks.

“Exactly right,” Fjord confirms, as nods and hums of agreement ring out throughout the group.

They also bring up the Gold Chain Mercenaries of the Menagerie Coast, and how the Empire seeks to hire them to guard their southern borders. Jester then brings out a sketch of the man they scried on, showing them what he looks like.

“If, you know, if you’ve seen him and you go, like, ‘Oh my gosh, he was, like, talking to me and I didn’t know,’” Jester says, holding the sketch up.

After all of this, finally, the Bright Queen turns to Essek. “They’ve been assigned as your wards, and do you trust in this, yes? You believe them?”

Essek looks at his queen for a second, nodding as he turns towards the group. “I trust them,” he answers - honestly, to his own surprise.

There are disbelieving smiles that spread across a few faces of the Mighty Nein, but Caleb’s eyes narrow slightly, his fingers digging into his sleeves further.

Troubling.

The Bright Queen nods, satisfied by his answer. “Well, we shall plan accordingly. They will rue the day they tried to assail us on their terms.”

Then Beauregard steps up, with the bold suggestion that the Bright Queen call for an evacuation of their troops in the Ashguard, a suggestion that the queen declines, reminding them of their consecuted tacticians that will advise her on the matter.

“You mentioned Scourgers,” the Bright Queen says, returning to that previous point in their conversation. “What can you tell me about these Scourgers?”

The way that almost everyone glances over at Caleb isn’t lost on Essek - and he’s sure it isn’t lost on the Bright Queen either.

“Caleb,” Veth volunteers, looking up at him.

“I don’t, I don’t -” Jester tries to step in, shrugging her shoulders to show how little she knows.

Veth nudges Jester. “Caleb might know. Ca-caleb will know.”

His eyes dart to the ground again as his chest rises and falls quicker, a quiet panic to his breaths, before he looks up at the Bright Queen.

“What do you know of these Scourgers?” she asks him.

“I know a - a fair amount,” he starts, and his voice sounds - tired? Sad? He sounds exhausted, but in a way that makes it seem like he hasn’t had a chance to talk in years.

The haunted look is back in his eyes, the one Essek saw briefly when they were in the Dungeon of Penance and DeRogna had been mentioned.

“Um, years ago, I was training to be one,” he admits, in fits and starts, seeming pained. “I - I made it, ah, quite far in the process before I was cast out.” The haunted look hollows out for a second, leaving only an emptiness that Essek knows would drown a lesser man. “But - but I know things, and,” he looks down, then meets her gaze again. “I know I’m retreading past ground, but I hope that as you protect your people and your kingdom you will consider, instead of utter destruction -” He pauses, collecting his thoughts before continuing, “There are people on the other side of those mountains who are not happy with the ones running the show.” His expression sharpens, but does not lessen in it's sadness. “Use us,” he offers her, genuine and honest and willing to be wielded as a weapon. “Use us for your ends. Use us to find this other missing relic. Use us and our contacts to help supplant the Cerberus.”

That freezes Essek, and he has to remind himself to keep carefully blank. Once again, he is reminded of how dangerous they are - how they could be the ones to unravel it all, to ruin him and everything he’s ever worked for.

“We can help you break the cycle,” Beauregard adds.

The Bright Queen shakes her head. “The cycle cannot be broken until there is nothing living. All we can do is our best to keep it slow.”

“Why can’t the cycle be broken?” Jester asks.

“Because life is pain for many,” the Bright Queen answers. “Jealousy, strife - some need to conquer. There will always be those that will do whatever it takes to get one over the man or woman or otherwise to their left and right.”

Caduceus frowns, giving her a knowing look. “Are you talking about yourself or the Empire right now?”

The Bright Queen’s eyes narrow just a hairsbreadth, and Essek knows that they are treading on thin ice. “I’m talking about anything that draws breath,” is her reply. “And it is our duty to acknowledge that and try to keep those base designs at bay. But one cannot bow down when others do not show that same will of understanding or else they will lie slaughtered.”

“My lady,” Caleb starts again, bowing his head, “what have you to lose by using us as a tool to carve out the rotten heart-”

“I have not spoken on whether or not I choose to utilize what you bring,” she cuts him off. “Yet.”

He bows his head further, quietly adding, “Apologies.”

“These Scourgers, once more - what are they?” she presses. “Warriors?”

“Mages,” Caleb answers, still looking at the ground.

“Artillery, assassins - what are they?” she repeats.

“They are both, hidden spies and destroyers,” Caleb tells her, meeting her gaze again. “Executioners.”

And now - now Essek can see it, can see how Caleb knows about the members of the Cerberus Assembly, can see how Caleb is so bright and curious and quick to learn. Now he can see why he is haunted, and Essek can only imagine what things he has seen. And once again, he is reminded of how similar they are - Caleb, a Scourger, part of the judge, jury, and executioners of the Empire, much like his own post as the Shadowhand.

But he broke away from all of that. He isn’t sure what to make of that.

“I think I begin to see the pattern of their design,” the Bright Queen muses, sounding troubled. “Well, should this information be true, you have done quite a service in letting me know. Many lives will be saved, and for that we are very grateful.” She takes a deep breath, looking over all of them. “You’ve proved worthy allies to the dynasty and this loyalty will be rewarded.” She leans forward. “Now, you say this individual that you’ve seen is coming to the city?”

The conversation turns to their plans of capturing the individual at the Overcrow, and, although tasking them with the assignment, the queen begins to ask, “If there is any doubt, we can have others -”

“There is no doubt,” Caleb assures her, giving her a curt nod.

“Nah, we got this,” Beauregard agrees.

Essek knows that the less dynasty denizens involved, the better it would be to keep whatever - whatever this  _ meeting _ at the Overcrow was under wraps. He has no idea what in the Hells the Empire is plotting with these discs and Abyssal rifts, and while he certainly wants to find out, he doesn’t want to jeopardize his dealings with them.

Lifting a hand, Essek quietly calls for the queen’s attention.

Jester also sees him raise his hand, and she eagerly asks, “Did you want to come, Essek?”

“Well, I have my own business to attend to,” Essek deflects although how quickly she means to include him is kind in a way he hasn’t experienced in a long time. He turns back to the Bright Queen, “but I will vouch for their capabilities.” He glances over at Caleb. “And my tutelage.”

Giving him a questioning look, the Bright Queen addresses the Mighty Nein again. “If this is true, you know this man of which you have seen. Bring him to me, preferably alive. Because if he is as connected as you say, we have ways of pulling that information from him. And that information could bring this war to an end far sooner than any of us had hoped.”

While her words chill him, Essek knows that it is alright. If the man is captured, he would be the one to interrogate him - he would know what he was working with, what information to present to the queen and what to erase from this man’s mind to keep himself out of it if for some reason his name comes up.

“Can you do this?” the queen asks.

“Yeah,” Veth answers, as Jester hums in affirmation, “Mhm, mhm, mhm.”

“Then go,” the Bright Queen dismisses. “The Luxon’s light upon you.”

“Light upon you as well,” Veth replies.

They awkwardly shift for a second before Jester bows, saying, “I really like your dress today. Okay, bye.” The rest of the group give short bows as well, slowly making their way out of the throne room, not once turning their back on the queen and her advisors.

Once they are gone, the Bright Queen looks at those assembled around her. She sighs. “This meeting is adjourned for the day. I have much to think about.”

As does Essek. They all graciously nod and bow their way out as well, everyone breaking off to their own duties and responsibilities for the evening - or to head home, as Essek does.

Although he hadn’t been planning on doing it yet, with this new information - with the impending attack and the new rifts and the Empire spy meeting taking place in the Overcrow - Essek knows things are falling away from his grasp, out of his control.

As soon as he gets home, Essek heads to his study, shutting the door and conjuring his spellbook all in the same motion. He opens it up to a blank page that he can tear out and destroy once he’s done, pulling out a quill and ink and starting to construct the perfect memo - one that barely mentions the Mighty Nein, but not by name, one that carefully writes them off as merely a band of nomadic adventures that got lucky with their finding of the beacon and then skipped town after returning it, their whereabouts now unknown. Why he is hiding them, protecting them, is beyond him - and it is not something he realizes as he writes the 25 word memo.

He doesn’t mention their knowledge of the attack on the Ashguard, or the meeting at the Overcrow. He keeps his questions succinct, requiring clear answers. He stares down at the draft of his memo, knowing that he will need to double check and triple check it before he  _ sends _ it out, but maybe now is the time that that message that was in transit finally gets delivered.

* * *

“We need to do this perfectly,” Caleb said, as soon as they walked through the Firmaments, the sight of their tree in the distance comforting him in his fraying state.

“Which part?” Beau asked. “All of it?”

“Yeah, but tomorrow -” Caleb started.

“What did we just do?” Beau turned to look at the rest of them, at the quiet shock radiating off of them.

“Yeah, I’m not sure,” Fjord answered.

“We just totally committed ourselves, to, um, Xhorhas, is all,” Jester shrugged, but even she seemed uneasy.

Fjord wasn’t at all excited by that takeaway, feeling uncomfortable at the lack of arguments for reason within the queen’s throne room. “The Cerberus Assembly is a weapon. I would prefer to attack that than to wipe a nation of its people.”

Hearing that heartened Caleb. Knowing that at least someone truly believed in his idea of getting rid of the Assembly helped keep him together. “Correct,” Caleb said quietly. “I agree.”

The Bright Queen’s thirst for blood was worrying - her stubbornness in her beliefs of retaliation until only one side remains troubling, for them and for the larger continent of Wildemount. Moreover, there was an underlying zealous quality to her beliefs, as if she not only wanted the Empire to fall by the Dynasty’s hand, but also wanted them to bow to their beliefs, an undercurrent that Beau noticed as well.

“I mean, the information’s out there, we can’t take it back,” Fjord sighed.

“We’re also not going to stop these people from trying to kill each other,” Caleb got out.

“No,” Fjord agreed.

Caleb held tight onto his coat sleeve. “We need to swim upstream together, we need to get through this, we need to earn their trust.” The Bright Queen’s, Essek’s - because although Caleb does want to befriend him, although he is now Caleb’s mentor, although Essek has vouched for them in front of the Bright Queen, Caleb can’t say that he feels like Essek trusts him. The feeling is mutual. “I know that we’ll feel awful to do what we are doing -” Beau tries to speak up, but Caleb shakes his head, “One moment please.”

“I’m s-sorry,” Beau blinks, a little startled that Caleb cut her off even before she could get a full word out. “I thought you had finished your point.”

Letting out a shaky breath, Caleb says, “I hadn’t.” She gestures for him to continue. “I want to do things at home, Beauregard.” He looks at her, keeping eye contact despite how badly he wants to drop it. “And that’s not going to happen unless we completely earn her trust.”

“You mean back in the Empire?” Fjord asked.

“Yeah,” Caleb confirmed. “And for that we need to do a good job.” With tomorrow night’s task, and the next mission, and whatever assignment gets thrown at them next.

The very real possibility that maybe they will have go back to the Empire on their own terms gets brought up, with Fjord sounding worried while Jester seems unbothered - especially since Caleb can now  _ teleport _ them to the nearest circle he knows. Caduceus, ever the voice of reason and comfort, assures them that, for the time being, they are doing the right thing.

It’s not enough for Caleb.

“I-I think rather than piss around and have her just sweep us aside, we show our real capability,” Caleb looks around, making sure to meet everyone’s eyes. “And then work with her, work with them, to send us in - work in conjunction with them and maybe some of our intentions are parallel, and some are not, but we know what we are doing.” He takes a breath. “She will use us, we will use them.”

And while he believes that, he hopes that their intentions are parallel. He wants to be past using people for his own gains - it reminds him too much of his past, and for a moment he loses track of the conversation as Jester and Nott discuss how strong the man they are to capture may be.

“The Empire is also not lily-white,” Caleb reminds them, still fighting against the memories that threaten to overwhelm him. “I was trained to kill people at a word that I did not ultimately know - their guilt.”

“Bad people in charge, normal people on the streets,” Jester sums up.

They dissolve into a short tangent about becoming the rulers of the Empire themselves, after taking the Cerberus. It’s definitely as remote a possibility as calling it an outright impossibility, but still, Jester and Nott don’t balk at their terrible odds.

Turning to Beau, Caleb starts, “I have a question.”

“Yeah?” she sighs.

“Do you want to get in touch, with your mentor, before tomorrow night or after?” And as soon as the question is out, he can see the unease and panic that flits across Beau’s face.

Completely warranted in his opinion, especially when they run the risk of potentially meeting her tomorrow night as the other half of the Empire spy’s rendezvous.

It’s disquieting, to fear that Dairon might be coordinating with these Empire spys - to fear that she is in the Empire’s pocket, working diligently for them. Caleb doesn’t like feeling this unease, and he would much rather Beau meet up with her sooner rather than later, if only to get an idea of what Dairon knows, of whether or not she is working with them or if her allegiances lie only with the Cobalt Soul.

He knows where his allegiances lie - they lie with these people, with his friends, with keeping them safe. They lie with the innocent people on both sides of the conflict. And maybe this is his selfish way of atoning for all the innocent he killed on the Empire’s orders, maybe this is his own selfish way to quiet the guilt that gnaws at his insides, but if that saves others - if that sets him on a path of good, rather than evil or indifference, then so be it.

Caleb can’t help but worry about his past, and his future, all coming to a head. There are easier paths of redemption to take, but right now he feels that the company he’s surrounded himself with, this little family they’ve created, makes the burden lighter and less lonely as he follows this path.

**Author's Note:**

> this part hurt guys, like having Essek finally get around to working on contacting the Assembly breaks me, and just, he cares for the Mighty Nein and Caleb and wow gang we're really in it now for all the pain aren't we
> 
> thank you guys for reading and coming along with this series so far, I can't wait to see where it goes, and I'm so excited and happy that you're all engaging and commenting with your lovely thoughts :))
> 
> I really hope you liked this latest part, and we'll see where the next part of this takes us, but, for now, is it Thursday yet?
> 
> the scenes that inspired this fic were from:  
> Intervention | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 63 - 24:00 - 53:35


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